I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
