lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
