it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
