we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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