i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
