from now on my penis is your penis
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
