I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
