Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
