saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
