I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
