Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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