I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
