please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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