i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it penis luge time yet?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
