The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
