oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
