Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize