coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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