Having a random hookup so left but love u
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
