A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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