I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
