god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
