I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
