She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
