Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
