i permit you to call me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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