Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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