I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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