just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
