i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
