last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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