I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
