respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
