she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think my moral compass just broke
Someone signed my nipple.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
