Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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