I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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