I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
