Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
