Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
