Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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