I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
