I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
