I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
