Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
