I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
