i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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