Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
