Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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