I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
