I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
