If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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