In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
