So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
