Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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