the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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