That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hippo gnu deer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
