Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
