Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize