theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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