His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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