i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My vagina is officially offended.
Im part way to drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
