i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
