Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
