can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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