I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
