a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
