im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
