Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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