I skipped work to stalk him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
