I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
