It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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