I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
