I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
