Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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