The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
