I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
