this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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