is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize