i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
