I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
