I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
