Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
