it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
