i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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