i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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