She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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