it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
