did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize