CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
