I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
