Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
