Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
