i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My pussy is not your playground.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
