i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
