How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
