so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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